NFL Douchebag 6969 Peach Tree St. Apt. #69 Atlanta, GA 30369 404-555-6969   Education: Oh, I’ve got my G.E.D. Experience: The Gap – Salesman (October 2008-May 2009) My job duties included telling fellow douchebags that they look like shit when wearing our merchandise. Informing our customers that we do not sell dog sweaters. I also […]

I did a power rankings post a few weeks ago and much to my surprise it got thousands of hits, more than anything I’ve ever posted. So here we go again. 1. Arizona Cardinals – Much like the desert, and Drew Stanton’s eHarmony inbox, the top is really fucking lonely. 2. New England Patriots – […]

I’ve never done this as I think power rankings are lame, but people eat them up. If you want to eat my shit, shit I shall. 1. Dallas Cowboys – They have the best record in the league. It’s basic science. 2. Denver Broncos – If quarterbacking ability made you hot, Peyton Manning would look […]

NFL Douchebag (510)-555-6969 69 Douche Plum Lane Oakland, CA 94601   Education PhD in Yoga Studies from The School of Hard Knocks (June 2008) Cumulative GPA: 3.69 (I would’ve gotten a 4.0, but my GPA is funnier.) -My senior thesis was on how to stretch to avoid your butt from being hurt.   Experience   […]

I’m making the All-Convict team. What changes or additions would you make? Coach Ryan Leaf (robbery) Yes, he coached at West Texas A&M                                                                                                                                                                                                                 QB Mike Vick (dog serial killer) RB O.J. Simpson (murder(allegedly, unless you’re smart), armed robbery) WR Rae Carruth (murder) WR Chad Johnson (excessive spousal abuse) WR Marvin Harrison (murder(allegedly)) TE Aaron Hernandez […]

#ClassyKaepernickHate was trending on Twitter this morning. Here are the jokes I came up with: – He calls his groupies the 69ers. – Rupaul thinks he needs to tone it down. – He hugs his binky whenever he has one of those Seattle nightmares. – Most crackheads shivering in alleys have less tattoos. – San […]

The internet exploded last night because of an officiating call in a football game. It left me with these thoughts: Would this be a story if it wasn’t the Patriots or another big market/glamour franchise team? Yes, but it’d be a much smaller story. If it wasn’t prime time would we care? Yes, we’d care […]

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